


Don't Let Me Go

by soldmysoultolouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:58:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldmysoultolouis/pseuds/soldmysoultolouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's been getting paranoid since Louis has been distancing himself. All he needs is a little reassurance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> soldmysoultolouis.tumblr.com

The bright lights shone down on the boys as they stood on the stage. It was amazing how there could be millions of people in front of them, yet Harry felt like he was the only person on the planet. The lights were blinding and he could barely remember his lyrics. Yet he knew he had to continue on with the concert, if not for himself than for Louis. Louis would be disappointed in him if he screwed up the show.

The thought of Louis made Harry want to curl up in a ball and cry. Management was taking its toll on their relationship and no matter how much he tried to brush it off it was hard. Louis took it even worse than Harry sometimes, because he was the one taking the larger blows like Elounor and @Louis_Tomlinson. Harry understood that denying their relationship was difficult on Louis. So much so that it had felt like he was distancing himself from Harry.

Harry couldn’t tell if he was being paranoid or not, but they didn’t touch nearly as much as before, even behind closed doors. Louis had recently been avoiding words and phrases like “I love you.” Harry didn’t know why, but he knew that it was killing him to think that Louis might be slipping away. The other boys were great, but he didn’t have the same kind of connection with them as he did with Louis. If they split up Harry would be more alone than ever before, even with the millions of adoring fans and the other three wonderful boys. Not even his mother could offer him consolation if Louis wasn’t his. Even just thinking about it brought tears to the surface of his eyes. If anyone asked, he would blame it on the lighting. The lights seemed brighter tonight, and they blinded Harry as he squinted into the crowd. Maybe it was just the first time had really noticed them.

“You alright mate?” Zayn asked, looking quite worried about Harry.

It took a few minutes for Harry to realize that the question was directed at him. He shrugged off his weird feeling and focused on the here and now. He couldn’t afford to think about him and Louis splitting while they were in the middle of a gig.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Harry went through the rest of the night somehow managing to pay enough attention that he didn’t seem too out of character. The boys could obviously tell something was up though, and he wasn’t exactly excited to get on the tour bus and be questioned. That is, if they wanted to push it. They realized that certain things are better left alone.

He was quiet as they did their after show rituals before heading out to the tour bus. He knew he would have to share a bunk with Louis tonight, and while he loved being close to Louis, he wasn’t exactly excited for it. He would have to hold Louis to him while thinking about how he might be left behind at any moment.

“You guys wanna play cards?” Liam asked as they gathered in the living area of the bus.

“Nah, I’m knackered, you guys go ahead.” Niall said, heading off to the bunks.

Harry slid into the booth and attempted to keep up his façade. He watched as the other boys laughed and smiled like they always did. It felt like Harry wasn’t himself tonight, more like he was an outside party invading on their friendship. All he really wanted to do was crawl under the covers and cry, but he couldn’t very well do that with Niall listening in.

Although he shared almost all of his issues with the boys, this one he had to keep to himself. How could he tell them that he thought Louis was going to leave him soon? They would either tell him that he was being stupid or look at him sympathetically and Harry really couldn’t take that right now.

“Harry, you sure you’re okay?” Zayn asked him.

Harry broke out of his trance to look Zayn in the eyes. He saw that the game had already progressed massively without him even noticing.

“Yeah, I’m just a bit tired. I think I’m going to turn in.”

The other three could tell that something was up but whether they didn’t want to push it or just didn’t care, Harry didn’t know. Well, he did, but he liked to pretend they didn’t care. It made wallowing in his sorrow that much easier.

Going into the back of the bus, he looked at the bunk Niall occupied before softly whispering his name. When Niall didn’t respond, Harry crawled into the bunk underneath Niall and pulled the covers over his head. Though he’d been holding them back all night, he couldn’t keep the tears from escaping now. Harry wasn’t used to sleeping alone.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of the two of them. They both had massive smiles on their face and Harry could literally feel the love emanating from the photo. He remembered exactly how he felt in that moment, which is how he feels every time Louis so much as looks at him. It felt nostalgic to look at their 16 and 19 year old selves. How could things ever go back to the way they were before? Both the boys had been through so much pain, and Harry knew that Louis was on the edge of cracking. He wanted to take Louis into his arms and hold him close…he wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, but he wasn’t even sure if that was true. If things kept going on like this they were sure to break under the pressure. He was sure management would jump for joy if they broke up. But Harry wasn’t even sure he could function just thinking about it.

He hadn’t noticed that his sobs had gotten louder until he couldn’t see the picture anymore. The tears were blurring his eyes too much for anything to look clear.

“Hazza?”

Harry felt a dip in the bed and flinched as a gentle hand touched his shoulder. Despite that, he lifted up the covers to reveal a small portion of his face to Louis.

Louis lifted them up more and crawled under them with Harry. It was a tight space, the bunks were never meant for more than one body in each bed. But it was comfortable to be pressed up to Louis where Harry knew he belonged. He could only hope that this wouldn’t be one of the last times they were squished comfortably together in the small bed.

“What’s wrong babe?”

Harry contemplated lying, he really did. But everyone knows that Harry can’t lie for shit and Louis is exceptionally perceptive to Harry’s emotions. So that was not an option. The only other things he could think of were evasion or telling the truth. Evasion sounded tempting, but Louis and Harry never kept secrets from each other and Harry didn’t know if he could start now.

“It’s just…do you love me?” Harry asked abruptly.

There was a short silence and Harry almost thought he would say no.

“Of course I do Haz, why would you even ask that?”

“B-Because you’ve seemed distant and I didn’t know if it was because you didn’t love me anymore or if I did something wrong. Please tell me what I did so I can fix it.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Louis sighed, “Although I have been distancing myself from you.”

Louis shifted so that their foreheads were pressed together and he could feel Harry’s breath tickling his nose.

“I just…our relationship makes things really hard on you…and I thought it would be easier for you…if we weren’t together.”

Harry blinked a few times as if trying to comprehend what Louis had just said. Then he let out a loud laugh that disrupted their hushed conversation. Quickly he lowered his voice again before letting out a few more giggles.

Finally he spoke up, “No Lou, anything in the world would be easier than that. I will do anything in the world to keep you by my side, even if it means hiding ourselves from the world. Even if it means I have to go on ‘dates’ and keep up the appearance of being a womanizer. I don’t care what I have to do as long as you don’t let me go. When I’m with you, it’s not me against the world; it’s us against the world. It’s so much easier to be with you than it is to do anything else.”

They laid in each other’s arms for a bit, breathing in each other’s scents and trying to get as close as possible.

“You know I’m kind of glad this bed is so small,” Louis smirked.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?”

“Because there’s no way you can escape from me.”

Harry let out a small giggle as he studied Louis‘s face. He never wanted to look away, just to stare at Louis for eternity. There wasn’t a single thing Harry could think of that would be better than holding Louis in his arms and staring into his eyes. If sleep and food weren’t necessary, Harry probably wouldn’t ever get up. Of course, he did eventually have to go to sleep, and when he woke up he would be back in the world that disapproved of their love. But as long as he was staring into Louis’s eyes and holding him close, Harry knew he would be ok.

“Lou can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t let me go.”

Louis knew that Harry knew he would make the promise, yet there was an urgency in Harry’s voice that made Louis bite back his sassy comment.

“Ay, would you saps shut up already? I’m tryin’ tah sleep here!” Niall yelled, his Irish accent thicker with drowsiness.

They both smiled at Niall’s crankiness, but Louis still had to give his answer.

He pulled Harry closer to him and pressed a kiss against his nose.

“Of course I won’t Haz. I love you so much.”

Harry snuck another kiss on Louis mouth, “I love you too Louis.

And even though Harry wanted to stay in this moment forever, he couldn’t help but finally drift asleep. Louis curled into his side and laid his head on Harry’s chest. Over the night, their breathing synched into the same pattern and Harry never let his grip on Louis loosen. It should’ve been uncomfortable, but being together canceled out everything else.


End file.
